Education is to sushi parents what skinny calves and slim fit button downs are to their children… EVERYTHING! As kids we went to good schools, had great tutors (for just about anything…I think I had 7) and were given all the best opportunities.

Accordingly, it is ingrained in sushi to study— late nights in the libes, uggs, sweats with your sorority on the butt and maybe even a cute sweatshirt that intentionally shows a little shoulder. Yes, we work hard… but we definitely play harder! And for this reason we would never ever want to go Harvard, Princeton or Yale… #nerds. Instead the cream of the sushi crop HAVE to attend one of two schools:

The “We did better than you in high school so now we need to develop a drug problem in college” division: (Penn and Cornell)

Penn

Sushettes in training from Dalton, Horace Mann and Harvard Westlake make their first visit to Penn for Spring Fling shortly after their sweet 16. They learn of the allergy they need to develop to ensure a single in the baby quad, the beige-block house they will be passed down from their future Theta and SDT sisters, and what it means to eat like a poor college student- happy hour at Pod. They also catch their first glimpse … The War.

Biggie vs. Tupac; The Bloods vs. The Crips; The Montagues vs. the Capulets. These feuds pale in comparison to the generation long war that occurs every day on the rough streets of West Philadelphia between… Theos and Oz (formally Sammy and ZBT).

Imagine the Skulls, but without Pacey. These fraternities hold the keys to the future: Wall St, an apartment in the West Village, Amex Black cards. Every day is a fight to stay on top.

Sushi on Sushi violence escalated to an all time high recently when one of the Theos bros, who was a triple legacy, pushed a boy from Oz because he was only 2nd generation at Penn… The two fraternities went on to set a record for most people involved in a fight without a single punch thrown!

Fortunately, the cops came to break it up, but not before one angry Oz made a statement that pushed the rivalry over the edge: “You’ll never work at Goldman Sachs… EVER!”

I know. It’s bad! At Penn, you need to have eyes in the back of your head. That is, unless you are in Zate, Owls or Tabard. Then you’re too chill to even worry about these juvenile things.

Students of these societies arrive at Penn as sweet, innocent valedictorians from nice American suburbs only to graduate with European accents and a passion for the finest in Colombian exports. My good friend George, who I knew in high school from debate, now goes by “Jorge” and kisses me on both cheeks when he sees me… so worldly!

Despite all the tensions on Penn’s campus there is one thing that will forever ring true. Be it a lager for the bros or a vodka soda for the gals, you are no one at Penn unless you spent at least 100 nights of your senior year at Smokes.

Cornell

You were driven when you were a kid and HAD to go to an Ivy League school. But there was one teeny problem. You couldn’t get into 6 of them.

Harvard, Yale and Princeton were out of the question for the reasons above. You couldn’t go to Brown because your father wasn’t a millionaire. Your parents didn’t go to Penn, so that was out. And Columbia has like a 4% acceptance rate. That left you with two choices, Cornell or Dartmouth… And Hanover, New Hampshire is the only place in the world that makes Ithaca look like Beverly Hills.

So you back-doored your way into an Ivy thru the ILR, hotel management or agriculture program and life was great. You got to tell your friends and grandparents that you were going to an Ivy League school and they were super impressed. You updated your Facebook page and like a million people liked it. And then you got to school only to realize:

“This place is so f’ing hard!”

The motto is, “easiest Ivy to get into, hardest to do well at”… That couldn’t be more true. Yes, you studied a lot… But that’s ok… The scene at Olin is a-mazing. You had some great choices for study besties be it Kappa, DG, SDT or AE PHI and great sushi at Plum Tree when you needed a study break.

Still, Cornell Sushi parties harder than any school in the Ivies.  #OxyMoron?. College town is A-mazing. Dinos and Johnny O’s are must stops with some late night at Palms to cap it off. And Slope Day is Spring Fling but better… ‘cause it’s on a slope!

Yes, Penn might be ranked higher. But there is one thing that the Big Red will always have over the Quakers (besides a better mascot). See, while our school is in one of the two states that are actually acceptable to live in, you guys go to the University of Cheesesteaks… LOL!

Oh, and CTB puts Greek Lady to shame!

………………………………………………………………………

Beautiful homes in Beverly Hills, Lower Merion or Scarsdale, babysitters, little league and gated communities. Life as a sushi youth can best be summed up by one word: “safe.” It is for this reason that it makes so much sense that Sushi flocks to these next two Sushi 12 schools every year. These college towns are just like the movie “Pleasantville”. The police department’s toughest job is rescuing little kitties, and everywhere you go someone is smiling. These places are heaven…

All of this would be true if today were Opposite Day! With that:

The “Holy crap, Why do I go to school where The Wire is filmed?” Division: (Syracuse and Maryland)

Syracuse

Ok… so you were pretty cool in high school. You did pretty well academically but you were also normal. You played a few sports, got invited to the cool parties and had way more sex then the kids that went Ivy. Cornell and Columbia weren’t in the cards for you and you are totes ok with that. NYU was out of the question because you prefer frat guys who wear normal jeans and will have careers in media sales to hipsters who wear girl jeans and are destined to have an identity crisis… But you also needed to be in NY.

Which leaves one option… Syracuse.

Living on the Mount freshman year you call your mom 3 times a day on the way to class. About 2 weeks in you realize how much you love communicating and before you can say Spicy Tuna Roll you decide to major in communications at Newhouse… 4 more years until my career in PR begins!

Marshall Street is a-mazing like Soho, only in a dangerous city! An avocado salad at Bleu Monkey or a few pizza bagels from Cosmos and you almost forget about the three murders that occurred last week a few miles from campus.

You could harp on the fact that you live in the scariest place on earth… OR… you could pledge one Syracuse’s many a-mazing sororities and make the most incredible besties a sushette could ever dream of. (3 of my girls were in the fashion show..so f’ing hot).

December hits and it’s 3 degrees. You call your mom crying (your first time as a grownup) about the older boy that you met outside of Chuck’s only to pass a swarm of SAE boys heading to a giant bubble. They’re kind of crazy but fun! This is when you first discover the most A-mazing thing about Syracuse… the basketball games.

Yes, the games in Syracuse are fun, but you should see the CUUUUUUUUUSE games at MSG in New York City. See, 99.7% of Syracuse alums moves to New York after college (one girl from every pledge class tries to become an actress in LA)  and so we totes pack that place. And just when being a Syracuse grad in New York couldn’t get better, what happens… the Knicks get #Carmelo. Knicks! So you see, if you want to be an A-mazing New Yorker, then there is only one place you can go to school. SYRACUSE!

Maryland

There are many things in life that leave this Sushaholic confused. Seasons 2-4 of The OC, the beginning through the end of Inception, being 14, and why they ever did the Tori years of Saved By The Bell. The fact that sushi migrates every year to Maryland, where people are obsessed with lacrosse like normal people are with Christian Louboutins, and where you have a 1 in 10 chance of getting shot at is another one you can add to that list.

Lacrosse. Come on people! White backwards hats and pink pants.. #Lame! Every guy in Bentley’s Bar has floppy hair and is named Brent. Ok- so some of the boys are cute and lacrosse abbrev’d is Lax which is the name of the official airport of Hollywood. But still… It doesn’t make sense.

And then there is the big Maryland event…The Preakness… a horse race. EEK! Which of the following should I add to ”How Sushi are you?”

1.     I love to get peed on!
2.     Rushing my friends to the hospital…SO FUN!
3.     Oh, and I can’t wait to show… my boobs… in public!
4.     Did I mention I love peeing in… porto potties!
5.     My favorite thing to drink is… BUDWEISER!
6.     All this, so I can watch my fave thing in the world… Horse Racing!

You get my drift.

You know, it’s funny. On the surface, attending Maryland makes about as much sense as casting a 40 year old to play Andrea Zuckerman.  But like all sushi 12 schools, Maryland manages to make the most of an interesting situation.

For my vodka soda, Maryland is the most fun Sushi 12 school to visit. (that is when you’re not being shot at… ick!)

Parties on Greek row are Gnar Gnar, Cornerstone is an institution and maybe the most fun bar in the Sushi 12.  And there are few things I’d rather tweet than “Hanami with my girls!”
Lastly, Maryland people hate Duke, the land of #Dushi Bros… So I love Maryland!

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In the 2008 presidential election, Barack Obama received 52.9% America’s popular vote. In the same election, he received 99.4% of America’s Sushi Vote. A passion for politics is as good an excuse as any to attend the prestigious George Washington University. But come on! You know that’s knot why you went there. See while Obama may be the most powerful man in the world, the most powerful person in the Sushi World’s last name starts with K and ends with “ardashian.” And so is the 2nd and 3rd most powerful:

The “I Heart Polit… I just can’t wait to live in New York!” Division – GW

GW sushi do things that all college students do. They hit the gym, they buy clothes at local stores, they drive cars and they grab drinks with friends. Only it’s a little different.

Their gym is an LA Sports Club in the Ritz, their local stores are the high end boutiques in Georgetown, their dingy cars are Audi A4’s, and a casual drink is “Hey Dave, want to meet up for a bottle or two at K Street Thursday night?”

4 years in AEPhi, KKG and SDT are really just holdovers till GW Sushettes can start their real life in the Big Apple. For the bros it’s the same thing but with Apes and Sammy. They say that if you can make it thru Apes pledging, then 100-hour work weeks on Wall Street seem like Summer Camp. Columbia Plaza, 2400 or Winston House turn into Windsor Court, 300 Mercer and the Caroline. Bars in Adams Morgan become Bro J’s and Joshua Tree and Coney Island becomes 16 Handles. (Ok… Not even New York could replace Halloween or Spring Fling at GW… The Best!)

GW is great because it is a lot of fun and under 3 hours from NYC on the Acela Express. But we can’t let the political culture get lost in all the a-mazingness. GW students do care about politics … and this BBM convo between Jordana and Ali proves it:

Jord: What ru doinggg?
R✓Ali: Just at starbucks…ugh there are so many hipsters in here!
Jord: Hipsters are gross!
Jord: Wait what did u get?
R✓Ali: A grande cafe mocha dolce latte skinny espresso macchiato double skinny no whip
Jord: Yummmm
(5 minutes later)
R✓Ali: OMGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
R✓Ali: OMFGGGGGGhadjfajsfads
R✓Ali: HOLY 16 HANDLES!!!
Jord: Whattttttttttt, I already told u she is cheating on David.
R✓Ali: OBAMA IS IN STARBUCKS!!! Michelle too!!! She is so f’ing hot!
Jord: OMG he’s so famous!! U have to go say something, this is a once in a lifetime opp.  what are u going to say!?!?
R✓Ali: IDK!!!
Jord: Well…
Jord: Well?!!!?!!
(5 minutes later)
R✓Ali: Hey sorry… I did it!
Jord: What did you say?
R✓Ali: I told Michelle I loved her shoes…
Jord: You. Are. Perf.

In less than 5 years, these two will be pushing strollers in the west village… A-mazing.

………………………..

Sushi loves warm weather- visiting the grandparents in Miami, your besties in LA or even a casual jaunt to Turks and Caicos with your older Hedge Farm BF.

Warm weather = Pools…

Pools = going to the gym, making your arms and calves toned so that you can go to the pool where you can get good color so that you can go out every night and look your best and then go back to the pool to recover from your hangover and still look A-mazing in a bathing suit!

The “Why don’t we all go to school here” Division: Arizona

Arizona by definition is a Sushi outlier.

The weather is… nice (what a crazy concept). It’s 90 degrees and sunny every single day of the year! Every girl is so f’ing hot! And every guy is so f’ing jacked! That sounds like an a-mazing place to spend 4 years! Just like… Ithaca!

If you went to Arizona- instead of losing your virginity in October of 11th grade, you lost it sometime between 9th grade graduation and the end of your teen tour roughly 45 days later (extra sushi points if you lost it at a camp social and double extra points if he went to Takajo.)

Lindsay from Upenn loves to make fun of Ali from Arizona… “What a whore! That’s not even her real hair color! It’s too hot to wear knee high boots!” But in reality, Ali from Arizona has it all right.

After college when you’re both competing for Private Equity Boy, yes, Linds, you will have the Ivy League degree, but Ali will def be so much f’ing hotter. Ali will also have no problem with guys being naked while Linds from Penn still thinks, “Penises are yucky!”

Meanwhile, during college, Arizona still has all the traditional perks that all sushi requires. Brunch at Hotel Congress or Bobo’s, salads at Chopped and a-mazing sushi at Fuku. Dirtbags is way more fun than Ivy League bars, oh, and how are the pools in Philadelphia? Come visit me at Starpass in February!

(That’s it for the Sushi 12… Get ready because I have some more fun stuff cookin’! … In the meantime, Follow me on Twitter HERE for updates!)

“So let’s see. I grew up in Scarsdale, love fashion PR and Christian Louboutin’s and definitely plan to move to New York City after college. And so now I have the toughest decision of my life. Do I want to go to school near… Detroit, Milwaukee or Indianapolis?!!” (Hmm…)

With that I introduce the first division of the Sushi 12.

The, “How on earth did I end up at one of these three completely random state schools” Division: (Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin)

It’s a-mazing how little sense it makes that Sushi has taken over these schools.

Michigan, Indiana and Wisconsin are supposed to be the schools for local residents with wholesome American values and a passion for family, sports and religion. They are supposed to represent the American automotive industry, big open farms and cheese (not even the soy kind. Yum!)

But Sushi has made these state schools their own, and in doing so, created one of the most interesting dynamics in the world: what happens when you combine really nice people from the Midwest, with 11 people from the south, with a bunch of really good athletes, with really mean people from the east coast and LA (relatively speaking)?

Wisconsin
Wisconsin’s claim to sushi fame is Halloween. Not one night of partying, but three. While flights to Madison between 10/29-11/2 are more expensive than a first class ticket to wherever you studied abroad (Florence, Barcelona, Paris, and Sydney are the only cities offered to Sushi 12 students) let me tell you something, it’s worth it!

Not going to visit your besties at Wisconsin for Halloween is like not watching the Oscars red carpet #SushalSuicide. It’s the Sushi networking event of the fall season. Teen tours, SAT study buddies, camp friends, COUSINS all converge.

For sushettes, Halloween takes ‘my girls are so f’ing hot’ to record setting levels. What better way to survive 30-degree weather than by wearing one of the four cold weather repellent costumes: a cat, a devil, an angel and a French maid. Eat your heart out Sammy boys! The girls and I are taking a pic with a police officer and his horse on State Street!              (Private Equity Boy and 3,284 others like this)

When November 3rd comes around and all your besties return to their Sushi 12 campuses, you are sad for like 2 seconds. But then you look up and smile, throw on some leggings and some uggs and drown your sorrows on $3 Linds’ (vodka sodas) at the KK. After another a-mazing night, grab the Chi-O girls for some late night and head back to Lucky. Greatest. Apartments. Ever. Isn’t college the best?!

Michigan
Sushbros have dreamed of Michigan since their first year at day camp. This is about the time that The Fab 5 (who?) changed basketball and the sole reason that Michigan became the destination for Sushbros and why Duke was kicked out of the Sushi 12.

Ok. So why would a Sushette go to Michigan?

Well, to start, half of my teen tour ended up in Theta, SDT and AE Phi…all a-mazing. But really, the one thing that makes Michigan so special is the last thing you would expect- football Saturdays. I know, it sounds weird but it’s def true.

Here’s how they work:

Step 1) Go to the M-Den, buy $50 dollars worth of clothing (thanks daddy)…and then cut it 5 different ways to make it look so f’ing hot!

Step 2) Get a bagel, drinking on an empty stomach=disaster!

Step 3) Mass-text my Lovelies- “I’ll meet you at East U and Hill.”

Step 4) Apply Michigan tattoo to your right cheek.

Step 5) Pre-game party…Sushbros fist pump to “Party in the USA,” everyone plays flip cup and if you’re lucky, three kids actually from Michigan come. There’s only beer at these things… EEK! My friend Ali solved this disaster by pretending to have a gluten allergy. #Genius. I unfortunately took the plunge… (Every sip is another minute on the elliptical.)

Step 6) Take out the camera- no Facebook album titled “Fall” holds any weight without football pregame pics.

Step 7a) It’s September, so find out from Ali what the forecast says. If it reads “Mostly Sunny” and kickoff is set for 12:00pm we’re going to the game! Go Blue! From here it’s all about getting stubbed into Section 31 where the sun hits perfectly!

Step 7b) It’s not September and so it’s 5 degrees(Yay!). So when the pregame is over, subtly sneak away, throw on your “sorority on the butt” sweats and cozy up for a movie with the girls.

Indiana
So you are 50 miles to…Indianapolis
The weather is really… terrible
The sports teams are… awful
The sororities are… too far away from town
The bar that everyone hangs out is called… Sports
The brunch place that people go to on Saturday morning is called… Butch’s
Oh, and the main event of the year celebrates… A bike race (Holler Lil’ Wayne! LOL!)

So why in the name of Lo Bosworth does sushi love Indiana?

Ok, So Sports is an a-mazing bar and has one word in the name, which sounds clubby. Also people def dress like they are going out to Avenue. But this goes deeper.

Here’s my theory.

One day, about 15 years ago, a really hot girl named Jordana was sitting in her room and started doing some heavy thinking when all of a sudden a light switch turned on in her head: “Woah, Jordana rhymes with Indiana!” She asked her dad about the school and he said they had a really good business school. Jordana was in! So she started recruiting.

She called all her girls (she had a bunch and she secretly hated them all…) – Retro Regina George. Jordana was very persuasive. Before you knew it, Indiana had plucked a dream class of ‘98. Immediately, all the Sushbros started applying. They wanted in on the action.

From there, the domino’s fell. 15 years later and Indiana is the best party school in the Sushi 12!
That new Facebook app iWould is going to take over pregames at Omega and Smallwood!
“7 days a week, biatch!”

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Every camp had a “Boston” bus where hordes of Newton and Needham Sushi gathered to take that magical 3-hour bus ride to “the best place on earth.” You were either on the bus, or jealous of the people that were. For some of us, this jealousy was too much to overcome. And with this, the second division of the Sushi 12 was spawned: The Camp Division.

The Camp Division: (Boston University)
To attend BU means one thing. You never truly got camp out of your system.

When your camper days ended and your parents wouldn’t let you be a camp counselor (jerks!), there was only one solution that kept you from carrying golf clubs or being a waitress/life guard at the local country club: A summer enrichment program at Boston University. This is where you first fell in love with Boston (Everyone is named Sully!)

The decision proved to be very wise. Your college advisor tells you to write an essay reflecting on your BU summer experience and how it “shaped” you to become a young adult, and before you know it, guess what: you’re going to be a Boston University _______ (No idea what their mascot is)!

So why not BU? It’s great academically and Boston is the biggest college town in America. Harvard is close and Natalie Portman and Facebook are A-mazing!

One reason is the fact that everyone outside of Boston thinks the school is made up. Doesn’t Boston University sound like a college that would be on Dawson’s Creek (ahhh, Pacey)? The only way BU could be better would be if it were called “Boston State.”

The Sushi Must at BU- After a #GnarGnar Friday night at Estate, grab the SDT girls for Saturday morning bagels at Rising …yum… Def bring a knife for scooping!

Sushal Suicide at BU – This is a tie.
1. Dating a guy from Boston -Massholes are gross and those accents are the worst… Is it really that hard to say “car?”

2. Red Socks. Everyone in this city is obsessed with them but I so don’t get it. I think they look horrible and they make my calves look fat!

…………………………………………..

Ok, so you are 22 and applying for jobs. You were at the top of your class in high school with a 3.7 in college and a-mazing extra-curricular activities (AEPhi- Social Chair, Habitat for Humanity, school newspaper). After three hours of practice interview questions you are ready for your interview. The person interviewing you is nice but scary. After a little small talk he pulls out your resume (which he has clearly never looked at) and appears confused:

“I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of your school.”

And with that I present the last division of the day:

The “I’m sure it’s a great school, but I’ve never actually heard of it” Division: (Wash U and Emory)

Wash U and Emory provide an incredible combination of tremendous academics with minimal chance of job prospects. The reason is simple: no one has ever heard of either college. Nope, Wash U is not in Washington DC and it’s not in Washington State and while yes, Emory is the name of the artsy guy from your high school, it’s also an A-mazing school in Atlanta!

You are either forced to get a job through a high school or camp friend that can vauge for you, work in Atlanta or St. Louis (Yippee!), become Justin Bieber’s manager, or most likely, attend some form of graduate school.

Yet despite this shortcoming, Wash U and Emory students manage to take their anonymous schools in random locations and give them their own little sushi twist.

Wash U
Wash U students enjoy the Midwest charm of Missouri (ugh) with their personal Spicy Tuna touch. Birthday dinners at Wasabi, froYo at the loop, hitting the elliptical at Wellbridge. New York may be the best, but it can’t take away the simple joys of life.

Wash U is also the top Sushi 12 school for one of the most important Pre-Masters programs: Hosting Benefits!

The Linus Foundation is a great cause with even greater tempura and one of the more genuine accomplishments of the Sushi 12. Started at Wash U, Linus not only hosts a-mazing parties in St. Louis, but it connects sushi after college in one of the great ancient sushi traditions.

Sushi loves hosting and nothing is grander to host than a benefit. So twice a year Sushi gathers at a random loft in New York City. It’s like a frat formal for 20-somethings. For Sushbros, it’s a chance to reunite and “rage” after twelve consecutive 100-hour workweeks. For Sushettes, an excuse to dress up, showoff your new 29 year old hedge farm boy friend and “mingle.” All while supporting a genuine and A-mazing cause. Kudos Wash U.

Emory
Students love to “rep the ATL” and claim that they attend school in the South. But riddle me this.

Mississippi, Arkansas, South Carolina… Emory. Which one doesn’t fit?

See, there is the south, and there is the “Sushi South.” Beamers and Audis, Apes and AEPhi. They are def A-Mazing. But the only thing southern about Emory is that it is south of Jericho.

Emory defines convenience. The bar (Maggies) and the bagel shop (Bagel Palace) are next door. And the weather gives Emory a big edge. It’s warm enough year round to wear winter hats and scarves…

My cousin recently applied to Emory (exciting) and so I decided to help her with the application. After all the generic info there was a pledge that the school made her sign:

“Upon graduation, do you promise to attend law school in New York City.”

She did… Emory here she comes!
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Follow me on Twitter HERE for updates on new posts and other goodies! See you soon with Part II of the Sushi 12… Mwah!

So to see what all the fuss was about I filled out a bracket for my company’s office pool… And guess what… I WON! Not only did I win $ and the admiration of my co-workers, but I also experienced… THE MADNESS. The NCAA tournament is a Sushette’s dream- a must addition to your social calendar. A-mazing parties, a great excuse to dress up and best of all, vodka sodas are half price because they play the games in the afternoon!

To show the boys my appreciation for introducing me to the fun, I decided I would help them this year (you know, win… LOL) by putting together a quick guide to winning NCAA tournament pools. Since ESPN calls it Bracketology I decided to pretty it up- and go with Bracketolindsay!

Bracketolindsay- 12 Keys to Winning your NCAA Office Pool

1. Pick your favorite colors- Since purple is really pretty, I think Kansas State is going to do very well.

2. Pick a team that that is featured in your favorite movie- Since Harvard (Legally Blonde) didn’t make it and they don’t have schools in The Notebook, I am going to vote for Notre Dame, because Rudy was so teeny and cute.

3. Pick your favorite mascots- Tar Heels sounds a lot like high heels and because I love Christian Louboutin, I think North Carolina will do A-mazing.

4. Pick teams that sound funny – Up until 20 minutes ago, I thought Gonzaga was called Gorgonzola which is the funniest sounding cheese.

5. Pick players with A-mazing names. Apparently all the Sushbros love a guy called Jimmer… “Jimmmmmmah!!!” They say. That is definitely an A-mazing one. But I once dated a guy named Jim, and he was a jerk, so I don’t think BYU will do well.

6. But… KEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That is truly an #APAUSEMAZING name! (Thank you Facebook News Feed for introducing me to him). Other than my Uncle Kenny, I don’t know anyone with a name that is close to that. So I def love him… Go UConn!

7. Pick against teams for which you hold personal grudges- It seems like everyone I meet who works in Private Equity went to Duke. You know how I now feel about Private Equity… Boo Duke!

8. Pick teams based on places you like- My BFFer just went to SXSW and had the best time. She said Austin was A-mazing. I need to go there IMMEDIATELY. So I think Texas will do well.

9. Pick teams for Family- Mine, Ali’s and Jordana’s grandfather was named Louis… Yay Louisville!

10. Pick teams ‘cause of something you truly love- Since the Oscars- the real biggest event of the year- take place in LA, UCLA is my SLEEPER…WOO WOO!

11. Pick against Creepy- Every guy I’ve ever met from Princeton looks like The American Psycho and is named Pierce or Holt or something scary… so they will definitely lose in the 1st round.

12.. And last but not least, Support all five A-mazing Sushi-12 schools- Syracuse, Wisconsin, BU, Michigan and Arizona… I am so excited for all of you and wish you could all win. Make us proud!

Based on these 12 theories, I had to make some very tough decisions. To avoid wrinkles I didn’t vote for any Sushi 12 schools to win- it would be too stressful to choose. In the end, I decided to go with the 4 teams that represented what means most to me. And so, my final 4 teams are:

North Carolina, Texas, Notre Dame and Kansas State.

Notre Dame beats UNC in the finals 74-79! (I’m gonna stick with this way of saying the score).

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

Mwah! And enjoy the A-mazing tournament.

The Sushi 12 breakdown continues soon! Follow me on Twitter HERE for updates on new posts and other goodies!

It’s sad but this will be my final post before I break down the Sushi 12. In general, I have been really lately. So I did the one thing that ALWAYS cheers me up. I started looking through my old albums (remember- before there was Facebook), and it got me thinking. Before we were even members of the Sushi 12, life was so much easier: carpools, backyards, handjobs… the simple things in life. And so, today, I present my final list.

Before We Were Sushi: The High School Days

Freshman Year: “Forever Young.”

1. You got to high school and discovered the most A-MAZING thing in the world… Older boys.
2. The freshman boys immediately became way too immature so you started dating a junior.
3. You referred to hooking up as “getting ass.”
4. You gave your first handjob in a movie theatre during one of the following classic SushFilms:
5. For Bros- Old School, Fight Club and Good Will Hunting (Obv developed a Boston accent after this one).
6. For Sushettes- The Notebook, The Sweetest Thing or 10 Things I Hate About You. (Heath…so tragic! He was so talented and so young!)
7. You then found out that the boy you eventually got to sloppy third with had a junior girlfriend (I swear I didn’t know).
8. From that point on, all of the older girls screamed “slut” when you walked down the hall. Or SLOOOOT. Or smut.
9. Your parents went out of town so you and your girls (who had an A-mazing nickname… we were “The Ghetto Butterflies”) hosted a party for all the older boys – BIGGEST DEAL EVER. The party was obv A-mazing but the fall out was really bad. (Private Equity Boy in Training raided your parents’ liquor cabinet! “NAICE”…)
10. So you were grounded for two weeks, stuck with only your computer. Thank god for AIM!
11. AIM screen name for SushBros in Training = (favorite sport, athlete, camp name or simply DMB) + “kid” + (birth year, “3”, or “23”) e.g. Laxkid1985 or Iverson3
12. AIM screen name for Sushettes in Training= (First name or First Name shortened) + (Your Birthday or XOX) e.g. Linds311 or AliXOX.
13. Coolest moment of a Sushbro in Training’s Life- The first time he drank a 40.
14. His ensemble porn tape- from when Cinemax had free weekend promotions- was named “Dawson’s Creek 2/28/99.” (Parentals would NEVER suspect that one)
15. Most damaging 12 hours of a Sushette’s life- Smoked pot for the first time which resulted in eating an entire box of Oreos which caused your first (and hopefully last) eating disorder.
16. You make the smooth transition from Haagen Dazs to Tasti D-Lite… (They totes taste the same!)
17. January 14th, 2001- 2:28PM EST- the most memorable moment of your life- you learned what a carbohydrate is.

Upper Classmen: “Those were the best days of my life.”

18. After getting out of AP Environmental Science (APES!).
19. You immediately start hazing the freshmen on the soccer team. (Duh, we were Juniors! Ever seen Dazed and Confused? I was SO Parker Posey!)
20. You call the freshman girl who hooked up with the senior guy a SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
21. You then lose your virginity some time between October-March. (When it’s Brrrr- cold outside- and there is nothing better to do)
22. While American kids grow up dreading work at Dairy Queen or biking their local paper route- Sushi kids have a MUCH more annoying job- GOING TO YOUR SAT TUTOR!
23. Flash cards! You would not be part of the Sushi 12 legacy without them.
24. 9 months later, you take the SAT’s for the third time. When you take your best Math and English, you did better than Ali, tied Jordana and did worse than Melissa (NERD!). Nicole won’t tell us what she got (Bitch!) But now the most A-mazing part…the SAT II’s!
25. You take like 50 of them so that you could be ready for…The college application process!
26. Your Mom, Dad or ADVANTAGE Tutor “help” you write your college essays.
27. Topic #1- Relating the tree outside of your bedroom window to your growth as a person
28. Topic #2- I once spent a day volunteering at a soup kitchen
29. Topic #3- How camp changed your life
30. Finding the “right” Sushi 12 school can then be broken up into 5 groups:
31. Group 1: “We’re pretty f’ing smart” – You applied early to Penn or Cornell and already had your Wall Street applications (Finance… WOO WOO!) ready for Summer Internships after your junior year of college.
32. Group 2: “We’re smart too” – You applied Early II to Emory and Wash U (Do they even have a football team? IDK, but apparently they’re great schools!)
33. Group 3: “We played sports, we were the hottest f’ing girls, and were much cooler than you in high school” – You applied early to Cornell knowing there was a better chance of you drinking whole milk than getting in. But still, it sounds good to say “I applied early to an Ivy!”
34. More realistically you applied to Michigan, Wisconsin, Syracuse, Maryland, GW, BU and Arizona. The list was overwhelming and you didn’t know what to do. So you made your college decision a matter of which school more of your camp friends were going to, or for bros, whichever school finished highest in the AP Polls.
35. Group 4: “We live for the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget” – You applied to Indiana and NO WHERE else. You would “DIE” if you didn’t get in.
36. Group 5: “We went to Phish concerts on weeknights in high school” – You applied to Vermont and your safety school was taking a year off and applying to Vermont again the following year. (I know, not a Sushi 12 school, but we all had one that got away. You never see this person again, at least in their high school form).

Spring Break Senior Year: “Ohhhhhh. We’re half way there!”

37. You meet your future freshman year roommate- dancing on a table to “Living on a Prayer”- during spring break in the Bahamas.
38. The Bahamas- Where the word “A-mazing” first really clicked.
39. You could not be more excited for the best 4 years of your life!
40. Every Sushbro in Training comes back knowing exactly what to do with a soft 17 in blackjack.
41. Speaking of gambling: Poker- every single Sushbro in Training, at one point in their life thought they were the next Matt Damon from Rounders. (“If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker!”)
42. And gambling for every future Sushette in Training- YUCK!

The End of Senior Year: “I hope you had the time of your life!”

43. You visit your camp bestie in New York City (Wait a minute, you like grew up there? What was that like? So jeal!)
44. You buy a fake ID (California or Maryland) at a shady place by NYU. You are either really excited, nervous or horrified that a kid from the movie “Kids” will come and mug you.
45. The suburbs were so boring… But I wouldn’t trade them for anything!
46. Most likely you had friends that were cooler than you in high school.
47. Most likely they’re now either living at home, in their 6th year of college, or in rehab.
48. If the person from #47 grew up in New York City, then after 6 years of college and a stint in rehab he now runs his own Hedge Fund (So excited I now know that word means!)… “Thanks Dad!”
49. You look back fondly upon the Backstreet Boys and NSync and laugh that Nick Lachey got his start from 98 Degrees.
50. You remember vodka cranberries. (Remember, before the Atkins diet banned calories from our lives… and cranberry juice became… well… GROSS!)
51. ILY & ILYSM- the grandparents of abbrevs. There would be no besties or pretties without these.
52. You laugh about your 14th, 15th, or 16th birthday – maybe all of the above – which were celebrated at your local hibachi hotspot.
53. This was about the time you and the “Ghetto Butterflies” did your best to relate your real life group of friends to the cast of “Friends.”
54. Except Jordana and Ali both haaaaaddd to be Rachel!
55. You did teen tours or classes at UCLA (FOR COLLEGE CREDIT!) during the summer, unless you were a CIT and then a camp counselor or maybe… basketball camps!
56. Your final GPA ended up somewhere above 4.0 (All Sushi 12 feeder schools give the extra point for AP/honors courses (you took 40 of those).
57. For Sushbros in training- your backpack- LL Bean or Jansport? #TheDecision.
58. For Sushettes in training- herve chapeliers or longchamp bags? (DON’T MESS THIS ONE UP!)
59. You drove your first car- a 2001 Audi A4 (your parents were rich), a 2000 Jetta (your parents were protective) or a 1999 dark SUV (you’re a guy)
60. You attended your final Dave Matthews Concert as a high schooler- unless, of course, you grew up in New York city, in which case you had NO IDEA who Dave Matthews was until you got to college… You were too busy listening to Wu Tang and growing up “WAY TOO FAST!”

The Summer Before College: “Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

61. It had to be done. The first time you went into the office you were too scared and ran away. But after Lindsay went for her Sweet 16 present and then Ali and Jordana went just a few weeks ago, you decided to go through with it… And now your nose looks totes A-mazing!
62. And so you are finally ready to become a member of the Sushi 12 … SO EXCITING!
63. You can’t wait to go to school with exclusively Sushi from the accredited feeder schools.
64. That is, except the one kid who had NO IDEA what Sushi was before he got to college. You know, the token kid from (Gasp…The middle of America) who when he went to college had his life turned upside down: “I never met Sushi before coming to Sushi Tech.” (Ahh… Puppy). But after four years in SushiVille he is engaged to a Sushette and working finance in New York. And he wears scarves! VICTORY!

The end!

I end with 64 for a reason… You guessed it.

Sushi Madness is next! The Sushi 12 will be my next and potentially final post! Follow me on Twitter HERE for updates on new posts! The MADNESS begins some time in the next couple of weeks!

When I got to his apartment, it could not have been more awk. Private Equity Boy was just leaving. The sight of him made me so mad that I ran into my cousin’s room to tweet (it’s calming for me). When I opened the computer there it was….

Private Equity Boy had left his Gmail open. I was going to log him out but then I saw an email he wrote: “ My take on that stupid sushi site.” #WTF. This just got personal!

When I read the email I was appalled. This guy was sooooooo #Dushi. And it gets worse. Private Equity Boy made a list. If you are going to insult my site, at least be original!

I needed revenge and knew just who to turn to. I texted Ali – a revenge specialist- and she listed 10 options. (She’s good)

We agreed that the easiest and safest revenge would be to post his stupid list, which I’ve titled – “Dushi with my Bros” – to show the world just how terrible this boy is (UGH!!!! How did I ever like him?!). I didn’t put any personal information about Private Equity Boy; I thought that was going too far. But everything else is copy and pasted. Enjoy! OR more likely, try not to vomit!

…………………………………………….

My beloved brothers,

While I graduated from Sushi Tech 4 years ago, I have never EVER left this fraternity. A number of you have reached out to me recently for professional advice, which given my tremendous success, I am always happy to provide. I took some time this weekend at the Hamptons house that I recently purchased (straight cash homey) to put together a little guide that can help you as you figure out your plans for after graduation. Good luck and please, reach out to me if you have any questions. Enjoy!

Guide to $uccess

1. Money is power. Your goal should be to be a millionaire by the time you’re 26. The rest of this list should help you out with that.
2. Lawyers- it’s a great profession and you’ll learn a ton. But the hours suck and more importantly, the money just isn’t great. My bonus is bigger than their salaries (And that’s after you remove a Zero…LOL)
3. Go Goldman (Sachs) or go home. The rest are “safety banks.” I really should have put this at the top of the list. It’s that important. Derek Jeter plays for the Yankees, not the Mets or the Red Sox. That’s the best way to think about it.
4. Then of course… Private Equity. This should be your goal for when you are 24 (after you do your 2 years).
5. New York is the center of the universe for one reason and one reason only- FINANCE… It’s not a job, it’s a lifestyle.
6. Tables, bottles, models… The city is your playground.
7. LA is cool. It definitely has awesome weather and if you fly private to Vegas-which is so much easier (no security checks, etc.) you are literally at the tables in 2 hours, door to door.
8. LA also has fresher Sushi (both literally and… you get what I mean (NAICE).
9. Chicago is a great place to visit- the summers are sick, Wrigley Field is awesome and the people are much more friendly. But the winters are cold as f**k and there is no Wall Street and no Hollywood. I personally couldn’t handle that.
10. Chicago Part II- Again, I really like Chicago. But the money just makes it IMPOSSIBLE to live there. You can make 6 figures as a trader, which is eh. But let me tell you something: 6 figures isn’t cool. You know what is… 7 figures! (Really 8 or 9 figures- but it’s hard to manage your own hedge fund before you establish a track record)
11. I don’t know a single person that moved anywhere else but I can definitely help connect you with someone if you are looking elsewhere. My rolodex is humungous.
12. The reason: NETWORKING- Every person you meet can be a future business partner. You should be networking 24 hours a day.
13. Always carry your business cards with you, even if you’re going for a bagel. This lets people know you are serious.
14. The Wall Street Journal- Memorize it. If you’re in LA, Variety is a must as well.
15. Summer Analyst- Be one. (NYU dorms are sick!).
16. Your first bro will get engaged when he’s like 25. You know that dude who had the same girlfriend all 4 years of college.
17. Send out an email at least 3 times a week to the fraternity list serve calling him a pussy… Hopefully this scares some of the other guys from making this mistake.
18. Unfortunately, though, it doesn’t and the dominos really start to fall.
19. Weddings are sick…Especially as you get older. The older you are, the nicer the wedding (Bigger bonuses) and the easier the girls are who are not married.
20. Cabo is the best for weddings. Book a flight early, though, otherwise you may have a connection… Connections are the bane of my existence!
21. Match.com – It may sound desperate, but it’s not. It’s GENIUS! I was totally hesitant at first (I obviously don’t need it). But then I tried it and saw the light. It’s the easiest way in the world to get laid. You’ll be working a ton (if you’re good). Make this your friend. I use it and I crush it.
22. If you haven’t already (I did by my junior year), you should definitely hit triple digits by your second year out of college.
23. Knicks tickets. Buy season tickets and only in the purple seats. It’s a great networking opportunity. If you have questions about the Knicks, I am happy to help you out. CARMELO!
24. It’s “The Stadium” not Yankee Stadium… FYI.
25. Scotch– familiarize yourself with it… And I’m not just talking about the Glens. The bar in my apartment should be in a museum!
26. Of course, beers—I try to crush like 100 a night (JK!). You gotta stay loyal to your best friend from college.
27. Be very generous to your doormen and secretaries around Christmas time. You have a ton more money than they have. It’s the right thing to do.
28. Hit the gym hard. I do and am in the best shape of my life- even though I work 100 hours per week.
29. Grab a bunch of guys from the house and get in a Chelsea Piers basketball league. The refs suck, but the competition is pretty good.
30. Also, grab a few ringers from the office who played hoops in college. Win or go home, you know?
31. Golf- get lessons if you’re anything above a 10 handicap.
32. After work, if you have time to go home and change, DON’T! Wearing a suit tells girls one thing- you are successful. Depending where you work and your title, you may not even need to buy her a drink before taking her home.
33. You should have at least 2 phones. Personally, I have 3. A work blackberry, an iPhone and a personal blackberry. Different phones to close different deals is my motto. ALWAYS BE CLOSING (LOL!)
34. The sales guys are the best to hang out with. Half of them played lacrosse in college.
35. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t kick myself for not playing lacrosse in high school instead of basketball. My dad is 5’10. So are my brother and all my cousins and my mom is 5’5. I should have seen this.
36. I work hard and I play harder than just about anyone. But seriously, avoid drugs. It turns your head to mush. My secret… Adderall.
37. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” (My Facebook quote)

And I’ll leave you guys with that… If you’re wondering why I ended this list with #37, just ask Brother Gerapudo. There is definitely a lot more so I will shoot you another email in the next month or so.

Best,
(Private Equity Boy)

………………………………………

Ok, so I just vom’d for the 5th time today. But I’m glad I read this because I learned a lot from this “list.” (Calm down…)

1. It’s “hedge fund” and not “hedge farm.” (This makes much more sense).
2. Why not give some of your money to charity?! What a jerk!
3. Never accept a business card from a guy in a suit again!
4. Lastly and most important, men can be real jerks. How hard is it to find a nice, sweet and genuine boy? If you have any ideas, please help me! (I am totes ok with 6 figures, BTW! LOL!)

Mwah!

…………………………………..

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Instead of suffocating myself with candy hearts I decided I would just make a vow. Next year, I WILL HAVE A VALENTINE (and hopefully be engaged ).

But this year, I am boycotting. Apparently, so are a bunch of my girls on Facebook. And so now it’s time to get ready for all the annooooooooooying Valentine’s questions in the elevator at work. (For once, I wish we could just talk about how the weekend wasn’t long enough or how this winter will NEVER end!).

SWMG: Excuses for why I am totally ok with not having a date on Valentine’s Day

1. I’m having a blast being single. Playing the field. It feels so free!
2. Valentine’s Day is such a hallmark holiday. I just don’t believe in it.
3. Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday. I start my weekly diet every Monday and kind of just want to go to yoga.
4. I don’t need some holiday to tell the world I am in love. I just need a boy to kiss me in the rain wearing a Spider Man outfit like Seth Cohen does in “The OC.” (Is this too much to ask?)

But in the midst of making my list, the craziest thing happened. I just stopped. I never stop making lists. I love lists! But I couldn’t help it- my mind was elsewhere. Valentine’s Day has me thinking about love and relationships and this weekend I had maybe the toughest breakup of my entire life.

The story goes like this…

…………………………………

When I went to sleep Saturday night I thought I was finally ready to end it. I spent the entire day cleansing myself- I went to a Physique57 class AND a Soul Cycle class (Nick’s class is the BEST!), ate strictly organic and I must have drank like 6 Kombuchas! But then I woke up Sunday morning in a horrible sweat…GROSS (but hopefully I lost like ⅛ of a pound). Was this really happening?

Let’s rewind a bit.

I bbm’d (blackberry message- obv!) Jordana on Friday to see where we were doing Girls Night. When she didn’t respond IMMEDIATELY I thought something was very wrong. She always responds immediately!

I then tried Ali… She didn’t respond either… WTF! Were the boots I bought last week that ugly?

I then did something that I thought I would never do again, something I hadn’t done since 2008. And it felt really really yucky… I used my blackberry to make a phone call!

Ali picked up and asked: “Umm, why are you calling me?… LOL.”

“You didn’t reply to my BBM’s…Que Pasa biatch?!”

And then she said 5 words that would change my life forever: “Me and Jordana got iPhones!”

I immediately fainted.

……………………………………………….

I woke up 2 hours later to a different world. This was now a world where I HAD to break up with my blackberry!

For as long as I can remember BBMing has been the only thing more important to me than my family. It is the only way me and the girls have ever communicated. But now it’s over. My BBMigas are gone.

I should have seen this coming.

At the bar, after the super bowl, Private equity boy started to tell me about how last thursday would be some huge day on Wall Street (A-mazing!). He put his iPhone and blackberry on the table (“Different phones to close different deals”- I overheard him tell another Sushbro once… I didn’t get it). He then began some sort of demonstration. “With the iPhone becoming available on Verizon, he said, “the entire market for smart phones blah blah blah blah blah…” #BORING!!!

I dazed off only to start thinking about the pros and cons of carrot sticks vs. celery sticks… When I started to think about ranch dressing i snapped myself out of it… and there he was, still yapping away. (Is this really what I want for the next 40 year of my life?… STOP IT! of course this is what you want!)

While I missed most of what Private Equity Boy said I realized I should have caught the big picture. This Verizon iPhone thing was a very big deal!

…………………………………..

My blackberry has been my fave accessory for as long as I can remember (apologies to my yoga mat). It wakes me in the morning and is the last thing I say good night to. It’s the one that gives me reminders about my doctor’s appointments (Is 6 per week normal?) and it’s the one thing the waiter doesn’t clear away from the table when dinner is over.

But yesterday, after hours pacing around my apartment, I finally did it. It took a lot of courage, but at the end of the day, it was something I just needed to do. I went to the Verizon Store in Union Square and ended the longest and most incredible relationship I have ever had.

I HAD to go to get an iPhone. It’s just the way things work (the girls apologized and they told me how much they loved my boots…Thank god. When they finally showed me their iPhones there was no turning back… They were so pretty!). It’s weird though. Change can be very hard. I now know how Luke Perry felt the first time he left Beverly Hills 90210. (Saddest episode ever!). But it’s for the best.

Everyone says the iPhone is way better. That except for email (So 20th century), emoticons (I’ll miss my fave- 3rd row, 2nd from the right) and BBM (my baby) the iPhone is just a better phone. I guess I’m just not ready to accept that, though.

I thought not having a Valentine was the worst thing ever (Honestly, I HATE being single) (Even more honestly, I just realized that I say “honestly” an awful lot. What an A-mazing word!) But not having a Valentine is not the worst thing in the world. Saying goodbye to my blackberry is even harder. But it’s just something I have to do.

And so here it goes…

Bye Bye BB! I love you and will never forget you! You will never be replaced!

………………………………………

6 Hours Later:

I just finished texting Ali and Jordana: “iPhone. Coolest invention EVER!!!”
The keypad is A-mazing and the apps are INCREDIBLE! It even has an app that turns your phone into a mirror… Could it be more resourceful?!

When I asked my dad why anyone would EVER use a blackberry again, he told me that this could be a terrific idea for a stock investment. While I had no idea what he was talking about I felt so f’ing smart.

This was by far and away the BEST decision of my entire life!

Mwah!

(The End)

Announcements:

We will be breaking down the Sushi 12 during Sushi Madness, starting in March. We also have some other A-mazing goodies stashed away. For updates,  Follow me on Twitter HERE

Or on Facebook… Click here to get to the Fan Page!

If you haven’t already, check out our original post “How Sushi Are You” by clicking here…

It’s Super Bowl Sunday- One of the most A-mazing days of the year! Hilarious commercials, great parties, the BIG GAME, and most importantly, an excuse to dress cute and meet boys!  I just finished a late brunch with the girls and decided it would be so fun to keep a running diary of the day. Super Bowl…WOO WOO!!!

4:30PM- After a pretty heavy debate, I decide I am going to go wear a Manning jersey. Manning plays for the Giants and his brother is that really funny guy in the commercials, so I think this will go over well.

4:36PM- I call my girl Hill and ask who is playing in the Super Bowl… (She played lacrosse for a Sushi 12 school and is a total sports fan. Guys love her!) I’m pretty sure she was confused, though, because she told me that one of the teams plays in a city called Green Bay and that sounds like it has to be made up.

4:42PM- Jordana and Ali come over to my place. They also wear cute football jerseys. Jordana goes to the bathroom and Ali tells me I look really hot. She then asks me who I think looks hotter between her and Jord? (I decide to stay out of this one).

4:47PM- We take the elevator down two floors to my older cousin’s apartment (Another Sushi 12 Alum). He is going to have an A-mazing super bowl party. We bring the chips (gluten free…obv) and guac.

4:48PM- We help my cousin set up. Call it a guilty pleasure, but I sort of love setting up for parties.

5:05PM- Me and the girls make a quick Sushi run to Haru. I have a spicy tuna roll. Ali eats half her roll and decides to take the rest home.

5:52PM- Ali throws the leftovers in the garbage. They wouldn’t keep.

6:15PM- We get home… Sushbros are starting to roll in. The girls and I grab the best seats right in front of the TV. A bunch of the guys have to stand. They all look at us. I knew it was the smart move to wear the Manning jersey…CUTE!

6:22PM- Christina Aguilera sings the National Anthem. I win my bet that she will sing the word “brave” for more than 6 seconds and am soooooooo excited! “I just won two dollars,” I yell.  I get a couple of high fives. The Super Bowl is SO FUN!

6:30PM- The players do the coin flip. I’m confused. Where is Tom Brady?

6:31PM- #2 is cute so I decide to root for the Packers!

6:34PM- The game starts… Yay!

6:47PM- To prove to the older boys that I am interested in the game I start to ask a lot of questions. The boys must think they are really good questions because with each one, they take longer and longer to respond… SUCCESS!

6:58PM- Cameron Diaz just fed ARod popcorn… I hate him! I see this week’s US Weekly on the table and start reading.

7:02PM- All these commercials have me craving doritos… But I shouldn’t. I go with bbq flavored soy crisps instead…

7:24PM- Ok, I’ll admit it… The game is a little boring. Ali and I run upstairs. We go on the computer to check showtimes for The Roommate- The new movie with Minka Kelly- I am obsessssssssssssed with her! This is getting me so excited for the Oscars.

7:28PM- I write on Jordana’s Facebook wall: Countdown to the Oscars… 21 days!

7:31PM- We go back downstairs and sit down on the couch. My phone vibrates… Jordana wrote on my wall: ”Can’t wait!” We all look at eachother. LOL!

7:35PM- Ali looks at a few of the boys and asks: “Is there any chance the game is over at 8:20 so we can go see the new Minka Kelly movie.” We receive no response… Apparently not.

7:37PM- I’m worried that we annoyed the boys with that question. Should I ask about the 8:50 show instead? I need to redeem the girls. “Can I get anyone anything?”

One of the boys responds: “A beer for me please.”

I give him the thumbs up: “A-mazing choice!” (REDEMPTION!)

I go the fridge and have a mini panic attack. There’s only Bud Light cans. I try to compose myself. “Come on, you did this once during pledging!”

7:42PM- After collecting myself for 5 minutes, I return to the couch. I take a sip of beer. (Definitely going to Soul Cycle in the morning)

7:56PM- I have taken like 100 more sips. Why does the beer still feel full?  I run upstairs to the bathroom and pour the rest of the beer in the toilet (they’ll never suspect this). I return downstairs. One of the bros asks me if I need another. “I’m ok, Shari is bringing me Starbucks.” (Yes! They bought it!)

7:57PM- I text Shari begging her to come over with Starbucks. My order does not fit in one text message so I have to send her another text. I hope this doesn’t confuse her!

8:03PM- the 2nd quarter is about to end and one of the bros looks really upset.

“Whats the matter?” I ask.
“I just lost my bet!” He replies.
“It’s ok, I won mine earlier so we are even.”

The bro storms out. Another one of the bros looks back at me and says: “He lost $500.”

Oops. (Why do boys bet so much?)

8:05PM- It’s halftime and everyone goes downstairs for a Parliament Light. Brrrr. Too cold for me. Jordana and Ali leave as well. They tell me they are party hopping and going to a party for a law school friend but I’m pretty sure they just went home. (My record is 6 parties in one Super Bowl)

8:10PM- First half recap:

#73 on the Packers has really fat legs.
#43 on the Steelers has really funny hair. (How does it not get caught?)
The Steelers coach looks like Omar Epps.
I really like commercials with monkeys driving cars.

8:18PM- OMG! A new super cute boy walks in. He asks me: ”What’s the score?”
(Crap. I have no idea.)

I quickly change from the “Kitty Halftime Show” on Animal Planet to the game. “The Packers are winning 10-21,” I say, anxiously (Hope that was quick enough).

“You mean 21-10?” He asks.

Apparently I have been saying the score wrong for 21 years. (That’s how old I feel!)

“BRB” I tell him.

8:26PM- After a quick hair check I come back downstairs and see the cute boy on the phone. I feel bad, but I have to listen. He talks about the game and how pumped he is for the stock market to open on Monday and then mentions the word “equity.” I then realize he is speaking in private. HOLY COW. He works in Private Equity! I run back upstairs!

8:39PM- After a second hair check, I come back downstairs. This is what the Super Bowl is all about. Time to get your MRS. Private Equity on girl…LOL. The living room is again full, but Private Equity boy is gone. OH NO!

“Where did he go?” I ask. Apparently he left.

I grab my spot on the couch and curl up in a ball. This sucks!

9:25PM- I snap out of what must have been a 45 minute trance twirling my hair. The 4th quarter is starting.

I text Jordana: “The Super Bowl takes forever.”

She quickly replies: “LOL Obv.” (Why I love her)

Where is Shari with my Starbucks?

9:31PM- I have an epiphany. I know what can make this a little more fun. I should get my camera and take pics. The Sushbros will love this. The boys then erupt in cheer. “Touchdown!” one yells. I so can’t miss this Facebook opp.

9:33PM- After pretending to care about the touchdown, I run upstairs to my apartment. Shoot, where did I leave my camera? I turn on the tv and I stumble upon an episode of the OC. (Ok, I tivoed it this afternoon).

10:14PM- Pretty A-mazing ep… Seth Cohen said something ironic!  Oh look, there’s my camera!

10:17PM- I get in the elevator to go back downstairs. The elevator opens and all the boys are waiting. “What happened?”

“The game’s over,” one of them replies.

“I know that,” I reply. (Teeny lie)

The boys start to funnel into the elevator. “What are you guys doing now,” I ask, feeling a tad excluded: “We’re going out for a bit. Your cousin is still home. He said he would meet us later.”

10:19PM- I get back to my cousin’s apartment and help him clean up.

10:33PM- Just as I am getting ready to go home- somewhat unthrilled by the Super Bowl- the most a-mazing thing happens. The Private Equity boy shows up again!

He looks at my cousin: “You ready?”

My cousin puts on his jacket. And then, it gets even more A-mazing! The Private Equity boy looks at me and says:

“You wanna come, too?” I freeze. “Come on. It’ll be fun. I’ll buy you a vodka soda.”

This guy is GOOD!

“Give me one second,” I reply… (OMG!) I run upstairs so excited. I think I found my date for Valentine’s Day!

A-mazing day! I love the Super Bowl! Hope you guys all had fun!

-LS

PS- My diet starts tomorrow!

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Facebook: It’s totes your fave and most important daily destination. Who is looking hot and what A-mazing things did people do this weekend? While many a Sushbro will talk about how they’re gonna deactivate or how they don’t use it (“I check it like once a month”), we all know that isn’t true… It’s simply TOO FUN. It’s the place where you go to stalk and be stalked… And what’s better than stalking?!!! With that, I present:

The Sushal Network: The SWMG Guide to Facebooking!

Enjoy!

The Wall

1. There is one thing that all Sushettes do on Facebook. They go on their besties wall and post those 4 magic words: “YOU’RE SO F’ING HOT!”
2. From there, Ali, Jordana and the rest of your besties follow this up with the most A-mazing button in social networking: LIKE
3. (Editor’s note) Can you imagine if Sushbros went on each other’s walls and wrote: “You are so f’ing good at sports!” (Can we make that happen?)

Photos

4. Pictures… You only post the best ones of you possible. Accordingly, the only person that looks at your pics more than your Facebook stalker is… you.
5. You name your Facebook albums after Jack Johnson lyrics.
6. Album Name Option 2: Fall (or whatever season fits)
7. Album Name Option 3:
8. Album Name Option 4: an inside joke that only you and the people in the album understand: “Parking Lots, Zucchini Sticks and Ray-Bans.” A-MAZING!
9. You take all your pics with your head tilted… obv to your better side. (This pose has been rehearsed,  just a little…OBV!)
10. You have at least one album titled “Camp” (LIKE) which features pics that you scanned onto Facebook from the most A-mazing time of your life.
11. Camp comment #1: Can’t believe we used to wear that!!!
12. Camp comment #2: WOAH! Someone developed early!
13. Camp comment #3: You’ve always been a hottie, Linds!  (Extra sushi points for Vega, Tripp Lake, Takajo and Brant Lake pics…A-mazing! Shout out to Tamary ‘0_…. Miss you bitches!”
14. Camp comment #4: “OMG it’s (INSERT CAMP DIRECTOR NAME HERE). She was the best!
15. Mobile uploads… That pic is up before the flash has died down.
16. Black and white pics… so artistic
17. Taking pictures with a police officer or fire fighter…so supportive!
18. Pics of your A-mazing brunch spread… YUM! (Obv mobile upload)
19. Baby pics from your childhood… “You were so adorable!!! And now you’re so f’ing hot!”
20. You always have your hands on your hips… Like the Japanese do by putting up “peace signs” in front of their face, Sushettes grab their hips in a stealth way to look as skinny as possible. (The camera does not HAVE to add 10lbs if you embrace the Sushi Lifestyle)
21. REMOVE TAG!
22. The most stressful part of your year is when you get back from a trip where you were in a bathing suit (Spring Break, obvs… or maybe just a weekend getaway to Turks and Caicos).  You have that trigger finger READY the millisecond your bestie posts her pics… (Remove Tag, Remove Tag… Oh, I like that one!)

Status Updates

23. Girls Night- Two words- Christian Louboutin!
24. Hungover status- “What happened last night…SO NOT OK!”
25. The “All one word” status update- Kitchen. Bagel. Knife. Scoop. Eat. Pray. Love. Content!
26. Soup. Jody Picoult. Couch. Smile. (I know! Jody Picoult is two words…DUH!)
27. Work. Coffee. Skim. Splenda. Monday!
28. My girls are so F’ing hot! (It works everywhere on Facebook)
29. Weather updates…Brr
30. It’s 74 in LA… So not missing New York right now!
31. Looks like someone is sleeping…”ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”
32. At the gym! (You get your skinny on, girl!”)
33. Your quote of the day: “Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” –Abraham Lincoln (Deep!!!)
34. Ugh… “INSERT ANYTHING BAD HERE” (traffic, bad weather, midterms, Mondays, calories)
35. THEY NEED TO MAKE A DISLIKE BUTTON!!!

The Profile

36. Do I want to come off as witty (maybe a pic of me passed out on my couch with a beer (eww) hanging out of my hand)?
37. Wait! I just got a job in private equity (A-mazing)… Time to look professional! (REMOVE PICTURES WITH ALCOHOL)
38. Maybe throw one of those inspirational quotes on there, if possible by Warren Buffet… So ambitious!
39. Unless, of course, you’re a fan of the Wire (Sushbro), in which case def quote that… (That show is so smart- the Shakespeare of our generation!)
40. Profile pic with a celeb- “HOW DID YOU GET TO MEET PARIS HILTON?!!! SO JEAL!” (Yeah, I know you are.)
41. Profile pic with a professional football or basketball player… very cool! (Photo comments—you look like a teeny little peanut next to him!!!)
42. A profile pic with all your besties (be strategic here… At least one of the sushettes in the pic needs to make you look good (she’s a bigger fan of calories) and one needs to be GORG (let people know you’re not rolling with a weak crew)
43. In the end there is only one thing that really matters… LOOKING SO F’ING HOT!

Accepting Friend Requests

44. A Sushbro waits at least 36 hours to accept a sushette’s friend request…  Cool customer!
45.  Do I know this person? Let me check our mutual friends! Ok, he’s cool!
46.  Why is there so much spam? DISLIKE!!!
47. I have 1765 friends… Is that too many?

Happy Birthday!

48. Happy Birthday (the bad)- No one REALLLY remembers your birthday anymore! Everyone just wishes everyone happy birthday!!! Your cousin’s yoga instructor’s chiwawa’s trainer who you met at the Starbucks in the East Village:  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
49. Happy birthday (the good)- The Ice Breaker- What better way to reconnect with that Spicy Tuna Roll you Facebook stalk than by wishing them a happy birthday. If they respond, you know what’s next…Drinks?!!! (I’m guessing a dark beer for David (BRO!) and perhaps a Vodka soda for Linds? (Totes!)
50. The date you were born… Lose the year, obvs! Don’t want people knowing how old you are! (I’m 25…FOREVER!!!)

The Countdown

51. The countdown!!! You know the one where you write on your besties wall every day in anticipation of her coming to visit you from LA… It’s probably the most important wall post Facebook offers:
52. “2 days…Can’t wait.”
53. “1 more day. Soooooooooo Excited.”
54. “I am standing next to you…LOL!”
55. Speaking of LOL… Sushi Nation loves to LOL themselves, even when more often than not, it’s not really that funny. “I’m pretty tired…LOL.”  (Let’s get back to the countdown)
56. Your visitor in the count down is obv “so hot,” per your wall post from three months ago… But if she is “actually” hot then you know what is coming next…
57. A “Random” Message  From David: “Hey Linds. It’s been a while. I hope you are well. Just wanted to see what you were doing this weekend.” Followed by a “surprised” response when you tell him your bestie from camp is coming to visit. (Sushbros LOVE hot sushette visitors… They are monitoring “The countdown” just as closely as you are… Another notch on the old belt!)
58. Then you have a weekend filled with so many fun things…LIKE LIKE LIKE!!!
59. But before you can say edamame, it’s over: “I’m at the airport and I miss you already!!! I had the most A-mazing time this weekend… You are so f’ing hot!
60. “Back in LA… ”  (DISLIKE!!!!!!!)

Let’s Play!

61. “Can’t wait to play this weekend!”
62. Is there a word in the dictionary that means such different things when said by a Sushette vs. a Sushbro then the word “play”?
63. “Let’s play” for girls- play can mean anything (go out for vodka sodas, hang out on the couch and watch the E! channel, maybe brunch!) But for guys…
64. “Let’s play” for guys means only one thing- Tuesday night basketball at a rented out public school.  98 times out of 100, the game consists of Sushbros, 5’9- 6’0, who peaked as a role player on their high school basketball team. It’s the best part of their week (seeing as work is killing them).  Crap!  You forgot your basketball sneakers?… All good, again! 99% (even better chance) of male sushi wears sneakers within 1 shoe size of 10.5. (Sports… Woo Woo!)

Relationship Status

65. Relationship Status is everything!
66. Did David just pop the question? (Are you 26 and a Sushi 12 Alum?)… Then you know what’s next.  Change that relationship status to “Engaged.” ASAP! Then message the girls… Then change your profile pic to the two of you doing something adorable together… (Then you can call your parents!)
67. Are you single ? You’re only “single” on Facebook if you are truly on the prowl. You need a husband because all your besties have gotten engaged in the last 4 days (joint engagements!!!). The world needs to know you are ready willing and able.
68. Maybe you can leave it blank: “I don’t need the world to know my business!”
69. Otherwise it is time to be “too funny.” You’re “in a relationship” (usually one of the “complicated” variety) with your bestie.
70. Or! Even better, “It’s Complicated” with someone who has the exact same name as you!!!  (Editor’s note: That actually would be pretty complicated…)

Ugh… Privacy Settings!

71. The one thing that is worse than death and taxes: Facebook’s privacy settings!!! You hate it! “We can’t trust these people with anything!!! (Speaking of, how bout that $50 billion valuation, my private equity bros?… A-mazing! But is it really possible?! What’s their revenue model? Yuck, did I really just say that?”)
72. You make it your duty to alert all your besties and your cousin’s yoga instructor’s chiwawa’s trainer about any and all things privacy related… maybe with a wall post.
73. “Privacy settings: You are so NOT f’ing hot!”
74. Worst. Change. Ever!
75. DISLIKE!!!

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Cornell
Emory
Michigan
Wisconsin
Indiana
BU
Wash U
Syracuse
GW
Arizona
Maryland

Below is a list of some other things that are sushi. How sushi are you?

1. If you got over 1000 on your SAT, then it is with 100% certainty that you or one of your five best friends growing up attended a school in the Sushi 12.
2. You know numerous girls named Lindsay, Joanna/Jordana and Ali.
3. The word “AMAZING” is the most amazing word in the dictionary and the word that describes just about everything.
4. Oh, and any activity is “So Fun!”
5. Flats vs. Uggs- So comfortable- but are they worth it?
6. Sweatpants with writing on the ass.
7. Vodka Soda- aka “The Linds”- the greatest drink ever (low cal, obv).
8. SDT, AEPHI, SAMMY, ZBT, AEPI- Get in or you are OUT!
9. CAMP!
10. Someone you lived with in college attended one of these high schools: Dalton, Horace Mann, Scarsdale, Great Neck East, Syosset, Jericho, Highland Park, Newton South, Cross Roads or Harvard Westlake.
11. Post graduation city options- New York or LA- That’s it!
12. Law school for guys- followed by jobs that require at least 100 hour work weeks- complaining about the hours (standard) but zero chance you’ll leave. Same applies for banking! (You justify it by telling people you’re learning a ton…)
13. Law school for girls- Great place to meet a LAWYER!
14. Agency Training in LA- Ari Gold is your hero (Daddy is making payments on your beamer because you make 28k a year but HAVE to fit in at Trousdale).
15. PR for girls (editor’s note: what in the world is a career in PR? What does Ali do all day?- I’m sure it’s A-mazing).
16. Exclamation points!!! (With everything, not just when something is exclamation worthy!!!).
17. Smiley faces.
18. Handbags- at least one for every day of the week.
19. First apartment in NYC- The Caroline or Windsor Court.
20. For bros who crave the continuation of the frat life- until their job and their Sushette turn them into their dad- we’ll see you on the StuyTown basketball courts this weekend.
21. Second Apartment- 300 Mercer.
22. Third Apartment- West Village studio or 1BR (So mature).
23. Work hard play harder… until you’re 26 and you HAVE to get engaged.
24. Speaking of engaged- Did a girl you lived with in college just get engaged? Give it 8 months before the other 5 girls in your house do too? A-MAZING!
25. Girlfriend is out of town- gonna rage with my bros!
26. Future book clubbers of America.
27. Did we mention how A-mazing the word “amazing” is?
28. Oh, and “Yay.”
29. Little dogs.
30. You watch at least 2 versions of the Real Housewives.
31. Salad 5 days per week? Need to stay healthy till you splurge… on SUSHI!
32. The gym!
33. Yoga/ Spinning- Obv! OMG, Soul Cycle! Who’s your fave instructor?
34. 16 Handles vs. Pinkberry- a bigger rivalry than Yankees vs. Red Sox.
35. Irrational crying!
36. Die hard Yankee Fan. Oh! And now I love the KNICKS! How much are tickets?!
37. Parliament lights!
38. If you didn’t go to a school with a major college football team, you root for another school in the Sushi 12 because of your relationship from rule 1. “My brother went to Michigan!”
39. Slumming in college meant an extended period sleeping with a lacrosse player. But that is so DUNZO. Now it is strictly older guys who can afford the best sushi (Who have careers stemming from rule 12 or 14).
40. Facebook for Sushettes-looking at girls from high school to see how they look now. “Definitely hope she is fat. I hated that bitch!”
41. Facebook for Sushbros- Checking out girls I wanna smash.
42. Facebook Status #1- “Sushi with my girls. LOVE YA BITCHES.”
43. Facebook Status #2- “Obsessed with my girls!”
44. Birthdays! At least one a weekend. That’s why NY is amazing. So many people here!
45. Come to my Joint birthday party with Jordana on the LES… I would so never live there, though, GROSS… But it’s so fun to go out down there! You better come (And feel free to bring whoever).
46. Nickname for your group of girl friends has something to do with how pretty the group is: Pretties, Lovelies, etc. (Unless they are simply, your besties or favs!)
47. Having a really close gay friend.
48. Being way too busy with work!!!
49. Happy hour!
50. Spicy Tuna roll-no rice- (Calories, YUCK!), ginger salad and a vodka soda… I’m full!
51. Two dates in and David is “your man” or “your babe.”
52. Two dates in and David is making references from the Jersey Shore to his banker pals to describe what he is planning on doing to you, Linds, on Date 3.
53. David has very strong opinions about sports.
54. He plays in multiple fantasy leagues.
55. And he worships the sports guy.
56. If he wasn’t good at sports in high school, he didn’t let the brothers know during rush…
57. Leggings!!! So warm, but do they make my ass look fat?
58. “I went to Penn.” Translation- I went to a really good private school that funnels sushi there”…LEGACY!
59. “I was deciding between Michigan, Emory and Wash U.” Translation- I got rejected early decision from Penn.
60. “I went to Wisconsin because I wanted to have fun.” Translation- I couldn’t get into Michigan, Emory or Wash U.
61. “I just wanted to go to Indiana with my besties.” Translation- You are a true ambassador of SUSHI.
62. “I went to Zona.” Translation- I am rich and from Southern California.
63. Let’s go to a sports bar on Saturday or Sunday- TO MEET GUYS!
64. Soco and Lime shots!
65. Abbrevs! How is this #65? It’s the only way you talk!
66. At least 1 of your besties from the Pretties (#46) will not be one of your favs by three years out of college. They so stole “my man.”
67. I’ve been in NYC for 5 years. I think I want to try LA. THE WEATHER!
68. I’ve been in LA for 5 years. “Ugh, Traffic.”  I think I want to try New York! THE ACTION!
69. Bridesmaid speech- “Lindsay LOVES good food. We always knew Linds would marry a LAWYER!”  (Editor’s note: do some people not like good food?)
70. Soy wraps- SO FUN!
71. The South- EWW- But I hear Austin is AMAZING!
72. EDAMAME!
73. You refer to celebrities by their first names.
74. You tell people who ask you where you are from that you are from New York or LA –or whichever sushi hotbed you currently reside- not the suburb you grew up in.
75. If you happen to be from NYC or LA, you always include “I grew up there” or “born and raised” to rule 74.
76. You live with one of your besties from camp…A…MAZING!
77. Being set up!
78. Let’s get drinks? (something chill of course)
79. 25 and under= my friends are so hot!
80. Over 25= She’s single. Do you want to meet her?
81. A long and prosperous career…Till I’m 30 and want to have BABIES!
82. Twirling the hair…
83. “That’s so funny!” (no joke was told) – Leads to more hair twirling.
84. Visits to South Florida.
85. Reality television shows… It gets personal. You actively discuss the characters as if they have real life significance: “She’s such a bitch!”
86. Kourtney is so much skinnier than Kim. Scott is SUCH a jerk! But Khloe is sooooo chill… I love her husband. What team does he play for?…And what’s his name again?…Either way, I love him!
87. You are 3 degrees removed from a Real World castmate: “My bestie’s cousin went to college with her. She is SO not like that in real life!” (Is there a person reading this that is not 3 degrees removed from Colie from Real World Denver?)
88. US Weekly- Sufficient reading for the week? Totes!
89. New Years- South Beach or Cabo? It’s always such a let down when we stay in the city! Why am I stressing about this?!
90. Private equity. Not sure what it is, but I so want to date a guy who does it!
91. Dudes who wear winter hats indoors (fashionable!)
92.  Scarves…in 50 degree weather!
93. “Excuse me. Can you take a picture?…Hold on; let me see it really quick… Do you mind taking another?(Let’s do the kissie face with this one)…Ok, you can take it now. Thanks!”
94. Flannels- I don’t give a fuck… but I so do. Meet you at the Smith in 20?
95. Fashion week- Super Bowl for Ms. Spicy Tuna Roll.
96. Which shoes should I wear?
97. NYU would be so in, except that it’s not college, it’s a 4 year head start on drug abuse and sushi intake. (Note to NYU students- Take 4 years, and go have a college campus. It’s fun. Plenty of time to spend $2,000/month on rent).
98. Skinny arms and calves—Is anything more important?!
99. Time for Brunch with my pretties! ( YAY!)– GG, TTYL!

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